He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
