It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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