i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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