where am i from again
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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