I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
