Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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