We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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