Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
