I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize