i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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