Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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