you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
