and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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