South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
