I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
love makes seman taste better
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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