Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
