his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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