Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
