Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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