uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
