I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Princesses don't give blow jobs
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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