I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
