the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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