You made me cry and you don't even care
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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