Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
