i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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