I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
