Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
