Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
