don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I want to be your penis for a week.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
