No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize