If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
