I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
