Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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