Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
