U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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