life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
