Cold hands, warm shart.
Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
