Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
whose ass print is on the piano?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
