my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
