i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
