so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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