Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
