he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
