I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
