Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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