those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
