Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
