dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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