Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i drank out of a bidet.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
