I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
