His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
