I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
it's not cheating when I paid for it
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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