the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So many bounce houses so little time
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
