I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
