is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
