just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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