you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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