This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
