we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
