I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
