i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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