I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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