I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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