He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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