Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
