Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
