He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize