Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(515): View more from Iowa

This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.

Fav 8 2825 758
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(214): View more from Texas

Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.

Fav 13 1513 4874
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(604): View more from British Columbia

You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"

Fav 10 3840 1436
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.

Fav 6 2122 1053
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(908): View more from New Jersey

but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.

Fav 20 5458 1268
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(307): View more from Wyoming

Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.

Fav 9 3056 926
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(732): View more from New Jersey

I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.

Fav 6 2551 1166
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.

Fav 4 854 487
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(314): View more from Missouri

If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark

Fav 0 6 26
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