So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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