BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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