i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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