true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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