I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
