1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
