Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
