dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
